Tuesday on my mind…

Today marks the 20th birthday of Scott, my sweeter son, my second born.  He was a big baby, all of 11.bs 7 oz.   I delivered him naturally,  and lived through it, lol….and I’d do it all over again to have a son as good and kind as he is.  It’s difficult to realize he is 20 already.  Time flies so fast when your’e a mother and love your  children so much.  Happy birthday to you Scotty. I hope you live to be 100 and have a memory as sharp as a tack to to think back on your life and remember those who love you.

Scott, now 20.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My days seem to be preoccupied with puppy training.  Xander, my newest baby is 8 weeks old and demanding (and deserving) of most of my time.  These are the weeks/months that must be tended to diligently if I expect to have a house trained dog.  I am anal, and very driven to get the job done and to not let him slip up if I can help it.  This little dog wants to please, you can see it in his eyes.  Just today, it is evident he has learned his name.  When I say “Xander!” , he looks up, perks his ears and watches me.  It’s as if he waited till we were settled on a name before he gave us the satisfaction of answering us.  He’s such a smart little angel.

 

 

 

I‘ve discovered Ray Lamontagne.  His music is folksy, comforting and enveloping.   Have a listen here, to understand just what I mean. 

Little Xander 8 weeks old.

 

Today, I realized how really blessed I am.  We’ve also got our selves together, too.  It’s a good feeling.

I‘m pissed at myself because I didn’t read my library copy of Rebecca quick enough.   It’s due tomorrow.  I went online to renew it and it turns out I can’t because someone else has  a hold on it.  I really screwed this one up.  Now I have to return the book and wait to finish it.  Should I just go to Borders and purchase my own copy? 

 

Now I have to wait to see what the diabolical Mrs. Danvers is up to.

It’s been raining and raining and raining here every day.  I wonder if the sun will ever come out and dry out the rain?  Dreary is beginning to become the norm around here.  For someone who likes rainy days, even this is beginning to be too much for me to stand.

Do you ever wonder what’s next? 

 

 

 

It’s been a long time coming….

…September 23rd to be exact.  I don’t know why I feel bad about not blogging.   It’s like I’m putting someone down or something.  But then I begin to realize just  who am I writing this blog for?  I think the answer is me.  I write this blog for me, so, I must take inspiration when it hits me and not obsess when it doesn’t come.   I’m no longer going to stress over not writing regularily. 

     -What I need to do is focus more on doing less, and doing a better job.  Sometimes I feel I spread myself too thin. It’s okay to not do everything.  I need to just enjoy the moment.

-It’s not how many times you fall down.  What matters is how quickly you get up.

-Sometimes I feel that at any given moment I can say the wrong thing and immediately fall out of favor with a certain person.  There are times when I feel shut out, and manipulated.  It angers me.  I don’t understand.

-I’d like to start knitting the slippers from the pattern in Knitting Pretty.  These look scrumptious to me, and if I can learn to read the pattern, I just might have a sweet, handmade gift for special people in my life this Christmas season.

-Unlike the past 6 years, I have been bitten by a premature Christmas bug.  I’m actually in the mood for the holidays this year.  I look forward to time spent with friends, and sharing simple pleasures.  It’s not all about the presents.  What matters is what comes from the heart.  It’s all about reconnecting.

-I’d like to do something meaningful this year for the needy.  I want to share this desire with my children so they, too can learn that the season is also about giving to those less fortunate.  About making someone feel good and that there are folks out there who care and want to make a difference.  If anyone knows of an organization or project to help the needy please leave me a comment and direct me to it.  The Heifer Project is a wonderful place to start, but I’d like to do more.  I want to create something and make someone’s heart happy.

-I’m planning a christmas card/ornament making party a day or two after Thanksgiving.  The guys will watch football while the women make a mess creating and writing cards together.  Music, coffee, Turkey Day leftovers and friends make this festive day.

-…maybe I’m not the one with the problem.  Maybe it’s HIM.

-I love the Chinese Lantern plant.

 

-I’m feeling like I can’t get anything done.  Besides the usual housework, what really makes my heart sing is creating art on a daily basis.  Why then, can’t I make time for it?  Why can’t I get myself to walk the dog every day?  I need will power-commitment.  I need to make time for the little things in my life that I feel are important. 

-It is scary to me how life can change on a dime.  Last night, my son’s best friend’s dad was killed on his driveway while working on his truck.  He was under it and the truck rolled and crushed him.  His son was there, and witnessed the entire thing.  The poor kid tried with a neighbor to get the car off his dad, but it was too late.  Just like that poof, your’e gone.  It’s scary and sad.  Life is so precious. 

-My aunt is dying of cancer.  After she’s gone, there will be only one of my father’s sisters left.  Everyone has died- my dad, my grandma, and my other aunt.  Today I was reminiscing about everyone when they were alive when I was a young girl.  I miss them all…it’s so very sad to know those days of togetherness are over. 

-I miss my mom.  I need to go visit her.

-Something nice: I read there are over 180 yoga studios nationwide that participate in Yoga Bear, a program that connects cancer survivors with free passes to local yoga studios.  To help bring peace of mind to a woman in recovery, go to yogabear.org for more info.

-Two weekends ago, I attended a Women of Faith retreat, just minutes from my house on the grounds of a St. Franciscan convent.  It was so beautiful.  I was skeptical at first, because over the past year or more I’ve begun to pull away from the church.  I haven’t been doubting the existance of God, but I have lost faith in the people who run the churches.  I just don’t care for the the politics and pettiness and hypocracy that tends to go on.  I must say, never have I felt so loved and welcomed by a group of 40 women than I did that weekend.  What sweet, genuine Catholic ladies.  They heartened me into believing the church might be good, at least the one where these ladies attend.  For the first time since abandoning my Catholic faith 25 years ago to become Lutheran when I married my husband, I felt the pang of familiarity while being at this retreat and it felt wonderful.  It was the little things  like the nuns, the statues, and rosaries and the responses at mass that I have ingrained in my brain from childhood that brought me back to my roots in the Catholic faith.  We attended mass on the grounds there on Saturday night and being in the church felt comfortable and comforting.  It felt right.  I think God does work in roundabout ways to show us what is right for us.   I’m convinced this retreat weekend was meant to be.  It filled a spiritual void that’s been festering in my soul for quite some time.  I will be returning to that little church in the woods often.  Even if it is by myself.  I feel a change occuring in me, and I am heartened.

I’m reading Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier.  So far, I like it.  I should, it’s considered the novel of the CENTURY.  Hmmm…

I’m ready.  Over the last month or so, I’ve felt similiar urges a woman might feel when she has that need to finally have a baby.  Only, I’m not desiring a sixth child, instead I’m wanting a little fur baby.  Yes, folks, a new puppy is tugging at my soul.  I’ve sincerely been aching for a golden retriever.  I imagine a beautiful golden dog that is devoted to me and the other members of my family.  I imagine him frolicking on the lawn playing fetch with a red ball.  I see him curling up on the sofa with me while I read or watch television.  I want to groom him and run a brush through his hair and feel my stress float away with each stroke.   I truly want this dog and since last Wednesday, a week now, we have him.  We drove about 170 miles each way to get him.  Being early, we got the pick of the litter (of 15!).  We chose a medium golden, very docile dog.  He’s just perfect. He eats, he poops and pees, he plays then he sleeps. He’s learning so quickly and is smart as a whip.   He naps often here under my computer desk.  I can feel his little heart beat on my bare feet as he lays across them.   Already, he is so eager to please and loves us with all his little puppy heart.  I know little Xander is going to add sunshine to my life.  You can see it in his eyes.  His name is pronounced ‘Zander’ and it is Greek for ”Man’s defender.” I feel Xander is the perfect name for this little blessing of a dog.

A little guilt never hurt anyone….

1. If you could build a house anywhere, were would it be?   In the charming quaint little town of Granville, OH.

2.What is your favorite article of clothing? yoga pants
3. Last C.D. you bought? Salsa tunes

4. Where is your favorite place to be? My husband’s arms.

5. Least favorite place to be?  Any place that’s filthy.  I don’t like dirty places.
6. Are you strongest in mind or body?  Mind by far.
7. What time do you wake up? 7am

8. Favorite kitchen appliance? coffeemaker
9. What instrument would you like to play? piano
10. Favorite color? yellow orange
11. Sports car of SUV?  Jeep Wrangler
12. Favorite children’s book?   Somebody and the Three Blairs

13. Favorite season? Fall.

14. Least favorite chore? waxing the car
15. Favorite day? It’s always been Friday.

16. Favorite food? Home made soups and stews with French or Italian bread and butter.

17. Favorite drink? Ice tea and coffee
18. Favorite word? Shangrila.

19. Favorite inspirational book?  Tuesdays With Morrie
20. Who would you like to play you in the movie of your life? Kate Winslett

Sunday meanderings

Birds are king to me…

 

Over the last few days I’ve been getting some random thoughts about things so I’ve been writing them down.  I also came across some neat quotations I’d like to share with you all.

• Something that bugs me.  Why is it just because I have five kids do people always ask me, “How do you do it?  How do you have the time?”  I usually get this when they find out I like to blog regularily, or create things or the fact that I have a small design business.  I can’t tell you how much this aggrivates me.  I get this almost all the time.  It tends to make me feel as though I’m doing something I shouldn’t.  It insinuates that perhaps I should be devoting myself around the clock to my family.  Uh uh.  No way.  I can’t do that.  In order to be a good, interesting, and productive mother and viable  person, I have to develop my soul, nurture my interests and create a space for myself.  I know of people who are ‘all kids’ and nothing else.  I could never be that way.  Not a chance.    By the way, do you want to know how I do it?  My secret is I’m not a perfectionist.  I don’t do everything as well as I should, but everyone gets a piece of the mom pie, including mom.  And I am here for my family all the time while I’m doing it.  Just ask anyone who knows me.
• The other day my black cat snuck out.  I hate when this happens.  I usually never let him out because, theoretically, he is an indoor cat.  He returned a few hours later and around that time we were grilling and found a freshly killed sparrow lying on the grass by the back door.  I felt so sad for that little bird, seeing it lying there, still warm from the life that had just minutes before been present.  Ever since I was a child, dead birds have tugged at my heart.  They sadden me.   I used to have little funerals for birds when I was a kid.  I’d wrap the lifeless body in a little hankerchief or tissue and place it in a box with some small  flowers from the garden.  My friend and I would make a little hole with our sand shovel and then bury it.    Even today birds are one of my favorite animals.  What is yours?
• Lately I’ve had this desire to reconnect with old friends.  I’ve started tracking some of them down and found that a couple of them seem apprehensive or hesitant to contact me back.  I don’t think this reluctance has anything to do with me personally, rather, I think sometimes people are afraid of change, renewed relationships, or even of letting people back into their lives.  I welcome old friendships.  Life is so short.  How can you not? 
• It occured to me that self-confidence is something you project outwards and self-esteem is something you project inwards.
• Did you ever pray for something to happen and one day, by surprise quite the opposite happens?  I believe this is God’s way of answering in a very loud, deliberate way.  This happened to me a little over a month ago.  I’ve since stopped asking God to intervene in  this particuliar thing.  I figured He obviously is leading the show and know’s what he thinks is best for the situation.
• To me, having a clear library card is very freeing.  If I don’t have my card hosed up with fees and lost books, I have the freedom to borrow books whenever the mood hits me.  Having a library that is bursting at the seams with so many choices is such a luxury to me. 
• Make use of your body’s ingenious design.  Move, stretch, walk and run a little every day.
• Sometimes picking your battles means letting go of a need to engage in them.
• The real test of friendship is, can  you literally do nothing with the other person?  Together can you enjoy those moments of life that are utterly simple?
• It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.  Who are your 4 a.m. friends? 
• Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain.  It’s not something you learn in school, but if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship,  you haven’t learned anything.

• 

  "How do you have time for it?"

Some A.B.C’s…thanks Lizzie

Available or married? Married…Best Friend? Cindy…Cake or Pie? carrot cake!…Drink of choice?  Coffee with flavored creamers…Essential item for every day use? Toilet Paper…Favorite color? yellow orange…Google? Yahoo!…Hometown? Chicago, IL…Indulgences? Books, pedicures,highlights, fabric, Pottery Barn stuff…January or February? January…Kids and their names? Dave,21, Scott, 19, Caroline, 17, Andrew, 13, Jeff, 11, …Life is incomplete without?  Laughter and pets…Marriage date? 8.8.84…Number of siblings? 0…Oranges or apples? Fuji Apples…Phobias and fears? falling from high up…heights…Quote for the day? “No good deed goes unpunished“  …Reason to smile?  When my kids tell me what a cool mom I am and they tell me they love me.…Season? Fall/Winter – specifically November…Tag 3 people? I’m tagging you and you and you. Yes. You..Unknown fact about me? I’m self confident, but I haven’t much self-esteem.  Confusing? …Vegetable you hate? leeks, …Worst habit? doing laundry and folding it, then letting it sit in the laundry baskets for like a week(or longer) before I knuckle under and put it all away. And my bawdy humor. …X-rays you’ve had? Teeth, chest and feet…Your fave food? Pick one?  Home made soups and stews. Zodiac sign? Aries- yes, I’m a crazy, impulsive bitch-sometimes!

Quick and to the Point

Seven Things that Scare Me:

* Rats and maggots (disgust is more the feeling with the latter)

* Heights

* Driving too fast next to cement pylons

* Opening cylinders of biscuits with a spoon and waiting for the “POP!”

* The chance that I can get dimensia when I’m old

* Riding my bike over our local highway overpass

* Not having enough money to survive
Seven Things I Like to do:

* Snuggle with my husband
* Ride my bike
* blogging/writing

* Being artistic and creating things

*Curling up with a good book

* Watching Project Runway

*Hanging out with girlfriends

Seven Random Facts About Me:

* I’ve been to NYC just for fun 5 times without my husband
* I’m a natural blonde

* I only dated one guy when I was young and I ended up marrying him.  In August we had our 25th wedding anniversary.

* I once got a surprise phone call from Faith Sullivan, the author of one of my favorite books, The Cape Ann

* I received a hand written letter of apology from Chris Noth who plays Mr. Big  in Sex and the City.  Long story.

* Although I love God and believe in Him, I hate to go to church, and haven’t been to a service in well over a year.

* I once had a four page article written about myself and my business in Country Marketplace magazine.  It was complete with a big picture of me and many of my doll designs.
Seven Things I want to Do Before I Die:

* Visit France, including Paris

*Be much thinner and healthy.

* Learn how to read a knitting pattern and then begin to knit like a diva

* Have read a lot of the classics and all of Stephen King’s books

* Live in my downtown Chicago townhouse and walk everywhere I need to go

* Have made a sizable living selling my art

* Write a book (or two) and have it published

Seven Things I Can Do Well:

* I’m really good at improvising a tool to get a task done

* Design dolls and make them

*Write (some would say)

* I have a positive attitude

* Planning themed events
*I have beautiful penmanship

* I’m a good wife

Seven Things I Can’t Do But Wish I Could:

* Run
* Speak confidently to an audience
* Find all my old friends and renwew our friendships
* Speak French
* Understand taxes and real estate lingo
* Have an interesing journalism  job in a news room or the White House

* Maintain an apartment in NYC so I’d have a place to stay whenever I had an urge to visit the Big Apple.

Seven Phrases I’m Known to Use:

* For Christ’s Sake!

* (said in my best mafia accent when my kids swear) “You kiss ya muddah wit dat mout?”

* “What’s her face
* “Outside go pee?”  (to the dog)
* What Larry?!!!

* Give me a break.
* Are you freakin’ crazy?

Seven of my favorite things

• Black turtle necks
• my black yoga pants
• cats
• my bike
• books
• my computer
• beautiful yarn and knitting needles

I invite you to be Quick and to the Point….blog about your own personal series of Sevens.

Some Tuesday thoughts…

• I wish I could go one day a week where I’m not thinking about my how fat I think I am, how gross I think I look in the mirror, how I hate my no-chin chin, where I can not think about what I put in my mouth, and most of all where I think about the positives of my physical body instead of focusing obsessively on what is wrong with me.
• I’m really enjoying  the book “I Am Legend”   I have begun to enjoy reading so much more and I am actually making time to devour my books.  I am also reading (in dribs and drabs) “Bold Fresh” by Bill O’Reilly and I found “When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies” at the Goodwill.  I think after the above bullet point, this book might be just what the Dr. ordered.
• I had a party on Sunday and invited some old friends, and my husband’s aunt and uncle were there as well as my children and some of their teenage friends.  It’s amazing how well all three generations of people blended and enjoyed eachother’s company.  When it came to music, it seemed like we were devoid of a generation gap.  The younger set seemed to enjoy the oldies as much as the older folks.    It was a really fun day for everyone.
• Lately, I’ve had the urge to reconnect with past friends who I’ve lost touch with.  Thanks to Facebook I can accomplish that.  I wish all my friends had blogs so I can visit and see what is going on in their lives and in their heads.  Are you all reading this?  Get a blog!
• I’m a little under the weather today, most of my kids have had this little virus, and now it’s my turn. 
• I signed up for Kelly Kilmer’s September Online Art Journaling class.  It is now the 8th of Sept. and I haven’t completed one prompt.  I’m disappointed with my self for not setting time aside to complete these.  Doing a little bit of art every day is like brain exercise for me.  Tisk tisk…Today I will make an attempt.
• I finally got my sewing area cleaned up on the loft.  I’m so happy!  I feel like the space is calling me to “come on up, and make something!”
• I have such an urge to blog, but feel disappointed in myself because I really would like to come up with something substantive to write about, but the writing is just not there.  I’m tuning in more with how I’m ‘feeling’ and writing a lot less about my opinions on things.
• I got a bit of a drastic hair cut last Friday.  I’m so happy with it.  I had 7 inches cut off my length.  I’m feeling really perky and together.  The long hair was really ‘bringing me down’.  I didn’t feel young with it, I felt like al fat old lady with long, stringy hair.  My hubby would beg to differ with me, because he loves the long hair.  He was kind and neutral about my decision.  He’s come a long way from the past where he’d actually get angry with me when I had it cut.  I got some pretty highlights and it sits just below my collar bones.  I think I will go a bit shorter in the next couple months and have it just at my shoulders.  I’ve always loved Martha Stewart’s layered cut.  It’s a little like that.  Now, if I could just cook and garden and keep house like she does.

Goodwill Hunting

There are days when I have this occasional urging to jump in the car and head to my favorite Goodwill.  There, I almost always without fail find wonderful books.  Yesterday was one of those days and as usual, I wasn’t disappointed!  I grabbed a copy of Jane Eyre and The Secret  Life of Bees, although I’ve already read those and they are some of my favorites (you never can have enough copies to loan out to friends), a beautiful,  almost new copy of Thoreau, a marked up copy of The Great Gatsby and a big ‘Farm Cookbook,’ and the first Harry Potter which I didn’t photograph.

In additon to my books, I snagged a sweet skirt with a Bohemian vibe that comes to a nice,  long length.  It’s just the skirt I was looking for.  I also found some really nice plus size tops.

There’s nothing like Goodwill for some great treasure hunting!

Hmmm…I wonder what I’ll read first? 

Monday brain mumbling

-the last few days have been in the low to middle 70’s during the day.  I shut off the air, threw open the windows and have been enjoying the breeze ever since.  It’s absolutely pleasant when the temperature is perfect!  I wish I could find somewhere in the world where 72 degrees is a constant. 

-I’ve been spending a lot of time on Facebook lately.  It’s seems to have boomed-everyone I know now has a page.  I love it.  Unfortunately, I’ve been neglecting my blog which is something I enjoy. 

–I just finished Stephen King’s On Writing.  Oh, how I loved it.  What was particularily appealing to me was I felt like Stephen was talking to me, and telling me the story the entire time I was reading it.   On Writing is such an easy read, packed full of snippets from his life, and he lets the reader in on incidences that sparked inspiration for some of his novels in addition to some sound writing advise.  I recommend this book to anyone who loves Stephen King, or who is seeking some no nonsense guidance on becomming a better writer.

-Since I’m on the Stephen King kick, I joined his message board through his website which he gives out in his book On Writing.  I haven’t quite put my finger on it, but there is something about his message board that really appeals to me.  When I’m there, it gives me a ‘warm, cozy up to the fire kind of feeling.’   I hear on occasion Stephen reads some of the threads and responds to them.

Inspired by and still hungry for more King, I ordered Shawshank Redemption and Bag of Bones used off Amazon.com.  I can’t wait to read them.  I’ve seen the movie Shawshank Redemption several times and am convinced it’s one of the best movies of all time.  My 11 year old son watched it with us last night, and he now wants to read the book.  

–I just called an old friend after quite some time of not talking to her.  It felt good to take that first step, no matter how awkward it was at first.  Within minutes, we were where we’ve always been with eachother and there was no hard feelings for the lenth of time we put between us.  If there’s someone you haven’t talked to in a long while and feel funny about calling because it’s been so long, just pick up the phone and do it.  Call, because once you do, you’ll feel so much better.  And, as we all know, time and life go very fast, and we can’t get those moments back.  Make a special time to reconnect with someone in your life you care about.  You’ll be glad you did.

–I’m so excited!  I stumbled upon a website that informed me a movie is being made from the Lovely Bones book!  The 3 minute trailer for the movie which comes out in December had me rivited.  The movie looks awesome!  You still have time to read the book before you see the movie. While reading it, I was thinking to myself that it would make a perfect movie.  I love how production company’s take the advise I seem to transport through my mind.

–Just bought a new comfort bike-my Electra Townie.  Wondering why my knee is hurting me so.  It seems like everytime I begin a new form of exercise, some part of my body begins to hurt very badly.  Is it possible my knee knows I have a new bike?

-The new season of Project Runway has begun.  I absolutely love this show.  What I find to be the best part are the challenges.  I love a design challenge myself.  The creative aspect of this show appeals to me more than keeping up with the quirky personalities of each contestant.  I just love to see what each person comes up with given the parameters of each challenge.  My husband managed to find Project Runway Canada and Project Runway Australia for me to watch.  Two seasons each!   I’m in RUNWAY HEAVEN!

Some half-assed chutzpah…take with a grain of salt.

I got a thought about why it might be that this country is contemplating socialism.  I think it’s the new generation (computer geeks, video generation) and the retiring of the baby boomers, and the dying out of their parents, the folks who were the really hard workers who came from immigrant parents who were also people who came to this country and worked their butts off and wanted a piece of the pie.  That struggle for them  is over for the most part.  They made this country what it is today, and we are all reaping the benefits of that arduous challenge.  What we have now are people who are the product of that.  Over the course of their lives they have had a lot handed to them.  They (we?) had it much easier than their grandparents and great grandparents before them.  What’s really to strive for anymore?  Certainly there aren’t hordes of immigrants coming here streaming through New York with the same die hard work ethic our fathers and mothers before us had.  That entire intense movement of change seems to be over, at least on a grand scale.   Maybe it’s just that we are all tired of busting our balls (oh, wait, I haven’t busted anything!) and just want an even keel.  Could it be?  Could it be this country and the people running it are becoming complacent and just want to lay low and let the cards fall were they may?  Is it easier to distribute the money evenly so we can all benefit somewhat equally? 

 

 Let’s face it, the vast majority of people are not going to be ‘lottery winners of life’, rather they’re going to be regular people working every day to pay their bills, keep food on the table and a roof over their head.  Hopefully, they own that roof.   This thought came to me today while my husband and I were talking about the whole potentiality for socialism developing in this country.  At first we were both against it, but last night, Larry talked to some very educated guys who brought up some valid points regarding how it could be a positive thing.  One guy said he went to France on a business trip to work at the French office and he noticed there (and it drove him crazy) everyone was so laid back and only worked a 35 hour work week.  No more, no less.  They played a lot of Civilization (a computer game), goofed around alot and seemed overall, much happier than himself and his American colleagues.  Maybe it drove him crazy because he was envious of them.  I find it a compelling thought, to work minimally and play to the maximum, to enjoy life and get as much out of it and still sustain yourself and your lifestyle with minimal work.  Hey, it sounds really good to me.  See.  I’m just the type of person with an attitude that’s bad for this country and it’s millions of people just like me that might be the reason why capitalism could be on the wane.  Am I all wet here?  I’m not sure Socialism or something like it is good for the country because I’ve never lived it.  It sounds good, but is it?  I don’t know where I’m going with this. 

I do understand the value and greatness of capitalism.  The chance to become a Bill Gates type  of success is born with all of us IF we  put our minds to it, sweat blood working hard and try, and try, even after numerous failed attempts.  But, the real reality of it is,  most people don’t become an economic success, and almost none of  us reach the heights Mr. Gates did.  I call these abnormally successful people the ‘lottery winners of life.’  In my experience as an artist, I see the ‘lottery winners’ as women (and men, too) who’ve created a multimillion dollar business from their basements or kitchen tables.  One year I attended the Country Living Fair in Chicago and sat witness to a panel of successful women like Vera Bradly,  book authors and product designers who made it big, basically doing nothing out of the ordinary.  As I sat there watching them gloat and ‘try to share their experience’ with us, I felt like more like I was having my face rubbed in their accomplishments.   I wasn’t inspired by their success, I resented it.

Call me jealous.  Maybe I am.  But, I’ve tried to be successful, and it hasn’t worked.  My husband has programmed his fingers to the bone and is one of the smartest people I’ve ever met and he’s not economically successful running his company.  I think the reality of it is, some people get very lucky.  Surely the things these women did weren’t amazing, unique or wonderful.  They were reinventing the wheel and got tremendously lucky.   At least Bill Gates was an instrument in developing something life changing, and set the course for people to have their own computers.  Heck, if it weren’t for him, I might not be typing this blog post right now.  Probably, not, though.  Someone else would have got lucky and did the same thing he did.  Instead, he might have called his product ‘Doors’.  Again, I might be jealous, but I am really getting tired of seeing the material excesses of overpaid people.  Celebritites, CEO’s and athletes I believe are paid way too much for what they are worth.  Now you say, sure, it’s easy to say that about them, but what if I were one of those lucky celebrities or brilliant CEO’s raking in the millions for a years work?  I might be humming a different tune if the tides were turned.  Yes, I might, but I also might be very embarrased by my overpaid career.  I just might be pretty damn generous, given the chance.

I’m not intending to make this post a political statement.  I’m just saying I had this thought and it’s probably way off base, but the thought occured to me and since this is my blog-my sounding board, I thought I’d share  it.  It does make sense to me that the really industrious, tenacious people are dying off.  What is left to run this country is a majority of spoiled Americans.  Who knows?  If you really think about it, maybe Bill Gates is to blame for this American laziness and complacency.  The product of his very success could be why our kids are becoming computer potatoes and sometimes don’t venture out to be kids who play outside and use their imaginations like generations of children before them.  See-success might not be such a great thing.  Look what it’s done. Maybe a million or so of success driven people without a pot to piss in will someday bring us back to what America was like when everyone worked their butts off to make this country a better place and that will give us hope after all that it can all happen again.  But, that’s so much work!  And are people really happier busting their buts?  I wish it was an easy thing to figure out. Well, you know what they say-history repeats its self.  I guess we will see.

**I know I’m going to get it for writing this.    Comments, and bitch outs welcome.  Remember, I’m a really nice person, just be gentle with me.

Okay, I’m ready, you can throw your darts now.